How to live with a perfectionistic person and deal with excessive control? Tips for harmonious relationships.
Living with a perfectionistic and controlling person can be challenging for you and your partner. Perfectionism and excessive control can impact your relationship, causing tension and frustration. However, there are several ways to create harmony and understanding in such a relationship.
- Work on Trust: Trust is a crucial element of a healthy relationship. Individuals with strong controlling tendencies often struggle with trusting others. Work on building trust by demonstrating reliability and being trustworthy. Research by Dr Sandra Murray from the University at Buffalo shows that trust can help reduce the need for control and cope with perfectionism.
- Communication is Key: Being open and honest in communicating with a perfectionistic person is essential. Discuss your feelings and concerns about their perfectionism and excessive control. Express your needs and show you care about building a healthy and flexible relationship.
- Seek Compromises: Finding common ground is crucial in a relationship with a perfectionistic person. Try to identify compromise solutions that will be satisfying for both parties. Be flexible and open to different possibilities. Remember that not everything needs to be perfect – finding balance and harmony is essential.
- Emotional Support: Individuals with perfectionistic tendencies often experience high pressure and stress. Show emotional support to your partner to help them relax and reduce tension. Demonstrate understanding and care while emphasizing that not everything has to be perfect. Please support them in accepting their limitations and mistakes.
- Set Realistic Goals: Help your partner understand that not everything has to be perfect. Assist them in setting realistic goals and appreciating small steps forward. Please encourage them to embrace imperfections and mistakes as a natural part of life.
- Allow Space and Autonomy: Give your partner space to express their needs and pursue their interests. Allow them to act independently and make decisions on their own at times. This will help ease excessive control and foster a sense of autonomy.
- Pay Attention to Your Boundaries: In a relationship with a perfectionistic person, paying attention to your boundaries is essential. Don’t allow their perfectionism and excessive expectations to compromise your well-being and self-esteem. Remember that your needs and boundaries matter too.
Living with a perfectionistic person requires understanding, compromise, and communication. Remember that no one is perfect, and relationships require effort and commitment. Be patient, show compassion, and strive to build a healthy and harmonious relationship based on mutual respect and acceptance.
Perfectionism can be motivating, but excessive control and perfectionism can lead to stress, burnout, issues with well-being, and mental health problems.
Below are some exercises and techniques that can help individuals with excessive control and perfectionism:
Exercises in “good enough”: Choose activities that are not critical to their success or safety and deliberately aim to do them “well enough” rather than perfectly. This could include simple tasks like cleaning, cooking, or writing emails. The goal is to understand that “good enough” is actually good enough.
Mindfulness practice: This method helps to focus on the present moment rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. It can help reduce stress and anxiety and facilitate acceptance of things that are not perfect.
Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT): This form of therapy focuses on changing negative thinking patterns that lead to perfectionism. Individuals learn to identify and change beliefs that drive perfectionistic behaviour.
Gratitude journaling: Regularly writing down things you are grateful for can help you focus on the positive aspects of life rather than constantly striving for perfection.
Setting realistic goals: Perfectionism often leads to setting unattainable goals. Exercise in setting realistic goals can help maintain motivation and avoid disappointment.
Relaxation techniques: Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or relaxation exercises can help manage the stress associated with perfectionism.
Self-acceptance exercises: Individuals with perfectionism often struggle with self-acceptance. Exercises focused on self-acceptance, such as affirmations, can be helpful.
Remember that if perfectionism is causing significant problems, it’s worth seeking guidance from a mental health professional who can provide individual advice and support.